Pity Party For One?

OK...here goes my soap box rant for the day.

I want to be happy for people announcing they're pregnant. But 99% of them are stupid kids who "weren't even trying!" or "gonna love this little accidental miracle" with their boyfriend of 6 months or less. I'm bitter. I'm angry. I'm green with envy. I saw FIVE pregnancy announcements yesterday alone! F-I-V-E! (There must be something in the water around here, its getting a little ridiculous.) And the sad thing is, I'm not even that mad for myself. I'm mad for my two best friends who have been trying much much longer than me, who are suffering constant injections and tests and probes going up God knows where to try and find out why they cant have a baby. I'm mad as HELL for those who can take care of a child, desperately want one, and it seems like the most undeserving people are the baby making machines out there. I know life isn't fair, but why?! WHY is it so damn difficult for the people who can and will do everything to take care of their child have to see the people who will throw that baby off on someone else get what they want most? And if you have ever watched "The Great Sperm Race" you know exactly how much of a freak accident that pregnancy must have been. Either they were just getting after it every day, or he has like super sperm...ugh either way its not fair.

Then,in the middle of my breakdown, late last night i get the phone call that my cousin who has been trying for 4 years to have a baby, has had countless miscarriages, and desperately wanted another baby is finally pregnant. and I'm so excited for her...but there's that pang of jealousy i cant seem to get away from....

I'm sorry i have no right to be this angry and jealous..there are people that have been trying WAY longer than me...but my DH doesn't understand why i feel this way. It's not exactly the best way to ring in the new year......hope ya'll are having a better day than i am!

The Great Debate...

OPKs detect Pregnancy???

I have read that OPKs can detect the pregnancy hormone HCG as well. Is it reliable? Eh, probably not. But there have been multiple women who claim that is how they found out they were pregnant. Now, to prevent any confusion, I know that this sounds ridiculous, and if I have OPKs lying around, then I must not have done something right. Well, the truth is, I was planning on waiting til Friday to take another pregger test, knowing that by then I will have a true BFP or a BFN and I can go on my merry way. But while I was cleaning up, I found a box of unopened OPKs in my bathroom and decided what the hell, lets see how this goes.

Now remember: TWO LINES ON AN OPK IS NOT NECESSARILY A POSITIVE. Knowing this, I was still in shock when I saw the two lines appear instantly. The same giddy feeling I imagine I will have when I get my positive HPT but…I know its not valid nor truthful that I am pregnant. It takes anywhere 6-10 days after implantation to occur, then another 3-5 days after it stops to start getting HCG readings. So, that would be Thursday testing. Ya’ll Im not gonna lie, Im nervous. Its like almost reaching the finish line then saying “this is it…its all almost over.” TTC is all I have known for over a year.

Now, I don’t get me wrong, I desperately want a baby. But its like all of the worries I have pushed down since starting are bubbling up in the wake of this possible POSITIVE! I really don’t know how to feel right now. I have no idea how my husband will react. Its going to be an interesting Christmas if this Friday is the day that changes everything. Wish Me luck!!

Could It Be??

Implantation Bleeding??

My normal AF is for lack of a better analogy...like the Red Sea. It is full on mind-blowing cramps, a ridiculous amount of blood, and clots the size of my fist (not really, but they are pretty big). Me and my hubby managed to only "do the deed" twice in my fertile window, and once on the last day because he hurt his back and work and could barely move..so i thought i was out this cycle. But, when my period was supposed to appear, it wasn't the normal heavy flow i'm used to. it was barely there. it has been nothing but spotting since Friday morning. Four days of no cramps, no heavy flow, just barely-there spotting when i go to the bathroom...

Now in the 11 years I've had a period, I have NEVER had this happen. I called an RN friend of mine and asked her what she thought about it. She told me to wait a few days and take a test. If it truly was implantation, i would have a BFP. If not, it was just a freak period and to go on about my day. The month we don't even try, this happens. I don't know how to feel about it honestly. I'm trying not to get excited or anything until i know for sure. I'll definitely post an update, but for now...I'm praying it's the Christmas Miracle we have been waiting for.

**Sorry for the lack of posting, it has been a crazy race-for-the-end of the year at work. I promise to update more now that I have some extra time!**

Very Superstitious...

I’ve been a little bit superstitious since I was a kid. Ever the athlete, I had lucky socks that I would wear for basketball games, lucky underwear (no, not that kind of lucky underwear – I was a kid) that I would wear on the days I had math tests, and a lucky meal of a Pizza Hut personal cheese pizza.

These pseudo-illogical ways disappeared for the most part during college and my twenties. My only momentary lapse was buying a plastic statue of St. Joseph, the patron saint of home and family, and plant him in the ground upside down next to your “for sale” sign. You then say a prayer to him every day for nine days and somehow house should sell more quickly. So, maybe it’s more religious than superstitious, but you get the idea. Anyway, I tried this method to sell our house. And it worked.

And then I started trying to get pregnant.

Since I originally thought it would only take a few months, six max, to get pregnant, I started buying cute unisex onesies, décor for the nursery and other baby belongings. We’d buy our future baby souvenirs while we were on vacation, too.

After 6 months of temping, charting, checking CM and bugging my OBGYN nonstop, I started reverting back to those old superstitious ways, and wondered if buying all the baby stuff was actually inhibiting my ability to get pregnant. So, I went cold turkey and stopped the shopping spree. You would’ve thought I was a heroin addict, I’d get the shakes when I’d pass a Gymboree.

Now that everyone BUT me is knocked up, those baby buying tendencies have started right back up. My girlfriends almost had an intervention with me after one trip to an Outlet Mall – I tore threw Oshkosh B’gosh and Gymboree like there was no tomorrow while visions of my little one danced through my head…


So I had to go into withdrawal once again. But, I have stuck to my guns and haven’t bought any baby-related stuff for more than a year and a half, except for shower gifts for friends, which is incredibly hard to do.

Most recently, I've been adhering to some of the Chinese superstitions. Of course, they wouldn't call them superstitions, they are just things that go along with the Chinese way of thinking. I have rubbed the lion cub on the lioness statues at the front of Buddhist temples, which is supposed to bring you children, and I have started drinking warm water instead of cold water.

Here’s hoping that I’ll have trips to Baby Gap in my near future, or at least the Chinese version of BG. At least once, on every shopping trip, I say to myself, "That's something I will get once we have Little Bean."

What about you? Any superstitions about trying to conceive?