I was raised in a small backwoods "white-wash" church all of my life. Yes, I am a Christian, as is my husband. When we got married, we both had expectations of what married life would be. We thought we'd be forever happy with each other, have babies, and live happily ever after. But, when people say "the first year is the hardest", they are not kidding. Being married has been one of the toughest things I've ever had to face. Its a daily struggle to try and coexist with another human being. I am very independant and stubborn. So is my husband. he was an only child, I was the oldest of three. I had responsibilities early on, he was coddled and spoiled til 21. Needless to say, our views are rarely eye-to-eye. We butt heads on everything finance related, and I struggle with the whole "submissive" thing. Marriage is not easy. Its not a picnic. Its work. And it takes two people working every single day to make it work.
Yesterday was super bowl sunday, and we went to SOUPerbowl sunday at church. The message was on how even in the darkest times and when you feel completely alone, God is always there. The past few months, I have felt isolated and alone in my marriage. I have felt everything but happy. The only happiness I could find was my want for a baby. Now, before you judge me, i didnt say a baby would save my marriage or anything of the sort. The idea of being a mommy thrills my very soul. But, I need my husband for that to be accomplished. I need him to be excited too. I need him to want it as much as i do. We are in different places in our lives, and we have to find a common ground. This weekend, I think I was shown that in order to start a family, we need to be united on all fronts, not divided and constantly undermining each other.
Last night I began researching groups, lessons, books, devotionals....anything that could help me do my part in regaining our happiness. I found the Unveiled Wife blog, and felt like the author was telling my story. I did the first lesson this morning, and it was only one lesson, but a lesson i needed. I know this is a TTC blog, but this is part of it, right? Creating a happy home and uniting mom and dad on the same level to help provide the most loving caring and Godly home a child could ever need? My marriage is in trouble...and I have to fix it before I can ever hope to have a baby...The posts may be in short supply until that time. God bless you ladies and good luck!! I'll update at least once a week. :)
