I want to be happy for people announcing they're pregnant. But 99% of them are stupid kids who "weren't even trying!" or "gonna love this little accidental miracle" with their boyfriend of 6 months or less. I'm bitter. I'm angry. I'm green with envy. I saw FIVE pregnancy announcements yesterday alone! F-I-V-E! (There must be something in the water around here, its getting a little ridiculous.) And the sad thing is, I'm not even that mad for myself. I'm mad for my two best friends who have been trying much much longer than me, who are suffering constant injections and tests and probes going up God knows where to try and find out why they cant have a baby. I'm mad as HELL for those who can take care of a child, desperately want one, and it seems like the most undeserving people are the baby making machines out there. I know life isn't fair, but why?! WHY is it so damn difficult for the people who can and will do everything to take care of their child have to see the people who will throw that baby off on someone else get what they want most? And if you have ever watched "The Great Sperm Race" you know exactly how much of a freak accident that pregnancy must have been. Either they were just getting after it every day, or he has like super sperm...ugh either way its not fair.
Then,in the middle of my breakdown, late last night i get the phone call that my cousin who has been trying for 4 years to have a baby, has had countless miscarriages, and desperately wanted another baby is finally pregnant. and I'm so excited for her...but there's that pang of jealousy i cant seem to get away from....
I'm sorry i have no right to be this angry and jealous..there are people that have been trying WAY longer than me...but my DH doesn't understand why i feel this way. It's not exactly the best way to ring in the new year......hope ya'll are having a better day than i am!
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